


Soldier

by Lozza342



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Cuddling & Snuggling, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, First Time, Insecurity, Kissing, M/M, Non-Explicit Sex, Past Child Abuse, Scars, Sexual Frustration
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-28
Updated: 2019-08-28
Packaged: 2020-09-28 11:00:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,023
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20424857
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lozza342/pseuds/Lozza342
Summary: Iwaizumi was beginning to think there was something wrong with their relationship. Sure, everything else was fantastic. Kindaichi kissed like he was dying, hugged like a bear and doted on Iwaizumi like he was a prince. He was kind and sweet and excitable.But then again, it was like having a dog, not a boyfriend.Iwaizumi used to like the analogy, but it was getting stale.





	Soldier

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this in like two hours because I was bored.
> 
> This spawned from one of the like, hundred fics I keep starting. It shall stay a one shot for now, because it doesn't require much knowledge of the rest of it I have written.

It's like clockwork now, their bedtime routine. Both have separate showers. Kindaichi first, while Iwaizumi finished his evening workout, giving him privacy to change in their bedroom before dipping out to help Iwaizumi clear up the makeshift gym before he went for his own.

More recently it's felt forced, like they were roommates rather than boyfriends. And even when Iwaizumi walked around shamelessly topless with a towel around him, Kindaichi still looked away bashfully as if seeing him naked was a big event. Perhaps it was, so for so long, he'd been careful to respect that fact.

But man, did he just want to stop tiptoeing around like that. It would at least reassure him for Kindaichi to ogle him once in a while. All he could hope was that Kindaichi would come around when he was ready.

From the way Matsukawa, Hanamaki and Oikawa joked around, he was beginning to think there was something wrong with their relationship. Sure, everything else was fantastic. Kindaichi kissed like he was dying, hugged like a bear and doted on Iwaizumi like he was a prince. He was kind and sweet and excitable.

But then again, it was like having a dog, not a boyfriend.

Iwaizumi used to like the analogy, but it was getting stale.

So when he got into bed that night in his boxers and nuzzled the back of Kindaichi's neck, he resolved to change it. There was no way anything would change without words or actions.

Kindaichi hummed contentedly, shuffling further down into the bed while Iwaizumi kissed the back of his neck. They were good at being close like this, thin pieces of fabric between them. Kisses wetted the back of Kindaichi's neck and Iwaizumi's hand touched his bicep, thumb rubbing his bare skin.

"I love you, Yuutarou." Iwaizumi hummed, propping his head up on his arm, elbow pressed to his pillow to look down at Kindaichi's face turned away. He was blushing, eyes closed but lashes fluttering.

"I love you too, Hajime." Kindaichi replied as he usually did, fingers curling nervously into his shirt. "G-Goodnight."

It was an explicit no to a very subtle question, and Iwaizumi simply kissed his ear, kept low to whisper. "I can make it better than just 'good', if you want."

The bed flinched along with Kindaichi, even as he denied. "I- I don't know what you mean…"

Kindaichi's skin warmed beneath Iwaizumi's hand still on his arm. The muscles in it tightened as he gripped his shirt tighter and Iwaizumi slid his hand away and down to his hip. "You… have never been touched like this before, have you?"

Kindaichi's eyes squeezed shut as he shook his head, and Iwaizumi's hand diverted from the hem of Kindaichi's shirt to the hand clinging onto it.

"It's OK. It's only me, you don't have to be afraid." Iwaizumi reassured, rubbing his tough knuckles. "But I'll stop if you want me to."

There was a long pause without answer, and Iwaizumi couldn't calm the hammering of his heart in tandem with Kindaichi's. "I… I can't…" Kindaichi said, and Iwaizumi wormed his fingers between Kindaichi's, slowly prying them from his shirt to instead lie flat on top on his stomach.

"Then you don't have to. But at least let me hold you tonight." Iwaizumi said softly and Kindaichi relented, arm relaxing followed by his body. Since when did Kindaichi get so tense?

Kindaichi was the biggest of little spoons, but Iwaizumi liked waking up to his shoulder blades, nuzzling into him and murmuring good morning.

It hadn't been a rousing success. But it had been a step. There was nothing wrong with Kindaichi not wanting to be touched naked. Iwaizumi would just have to deal with taking care of himself instead.

-

The first time was a shock, Kindaichi wasn't just shirtless he was...  _ everything _ -less. And ever in true Kindaichi fashion, he didn't just successfully pull his towel up, either. Instead, he tripped on it, bashed his knee into the chest of drawers and toppled onto the floor. All he cried out, however, was "Don't look!", and Iwaizumi didn't know if he should listen to him.

On the floor, the bed obscured him from vision and that's where Kindaichi's stayed unmoving. "Yuutarou, I'm sorry, I thought you were still in the shower!" Iwaizumi squeaked, stepping back to the doorway. "Are you OK?!"

"I'm f-fine!" Kindaichi answered hurriedly, but Iwaizumi had seen how hard Kindaichi hit the floor. There was no way he was  _ fine _ .

"At least let me get you-"

"Go away!"

"Yuutarou-"

"Hajime, please!"

_ Enough! _ Iwaizumi growled to himself, body moving of its own accord to where Kindaichi's feet stuck out at the foot of the bed. Before he got there, however, hands grabbed the bedsheets and pulled them down to cover Kindaichi up. "Let me help you, dammit! You've fallen and all you care about is me seeing your nipples, for god's sake, grow up!" Iwaizumi blurted in his pent-up rage.

Kindaichi's jaw was set in a way that told Iwaizumi he had crossed a line. For one, Iwaizumi had never  _ ever _ seen Kindaichi angry. It stopped his hands grabbing the covers, made him question his entire existence. " _ You're  _ the one who needs to grow up! I'm not- I'm not  _ r-ready _ !" Kindaichi stuttered, chest heaving.

Their first fight was that. Over a dumb fall.

Iwaizumi couldn't leave him with teary eyes, though, and calmed his anger enough to pass Kindaichi some clean clothes and hug him over the covers, accept his apology because Iwaizumi was the impatient one. Iwaizumi was the one who didn't listen to him after he promised.

-

Warmed by tea, Kindaichi's mouth felt amazing. While Iwaizumi certainly didn't expect Kindaichi to enjoy his first time being a blowjob, he apparently did. As any virgin, he couldn't have been called skilled, not by any means, but he tried hard, and even looked content between Iwaizumi's legs after the initial shock and embarrassment wore off.

He vehemently refused for Iwaizumi to reciprocate, but Iwaizumi was OK with that. He was OK with just watching Kindaichi release into his hand. Because it was a part of Kindaichi he had never seen before. One that let loose and relaxed even with someone watching.

Through the haze of post-orgasm, Kindaichi let him touch him, too, if only to clean him off, and Iwaizumi was thankful for that. Well, and the cuddles afterward.

"You looked good." Iwaizumi flirted, tangling their legs together in their bed. He was such a hopeless flatterer after sex, especially for the first time in nine months and there was no way he was allowing Kindaichi to get away with ducking out as he held his wrists and nuzzled his chin. "We should do that more often."

From an outside perspective, it didn't seem like much of a big deal, but the way Kindaichi bit his lip shyly and nodded, it was a huge deal.

So what, all he did was blow his boyfriend and then jerk off in front of him, it was hardly  _ sex. _

No-one could deny that statement held some truth. Yet Kindaichi was just as giddy as someone who had truly done something completely new would be. Even a nervous wreck, he still nosed Iwaizumi back and smiled. "I'd like that, Hajime."

-

A hard weight in his lap. Kindaichi was nothing but pure muscle now, strong hand threaded in Iwaizumi's hair and tongue shoved down his throat.

Iwaizumi could feel him, even as he tried so hard to hide his excitement by keeping leaned back, and stopped it immediately by grabbing his hips and pulling him forward to bring their clothes erections together. Kindaichi broke from his mouth quickly with a wet smack to let out a moan, shuddering along with his body.

"Yuutarou. You need to stop eating."

It was hardly time to laugh, but Kindaichi did, chuckling uncontrollably in his arousal. "Make me."

"If you don't have access to your mouth…" Iwaizumi teased, surging up to catch his puffy lips. This time, it was Iwaizumi's tongue in Kindaichi's mouth, and he didn't register the panicked noise as Iwaizumi's hands slid beneath his shirt, slowly riding it up Kindaichi's back.

Until Kindaichi forcefully pushed his shoulders and slid straight out of his lap onto the floor with a thud. "I said stop!" Kindaichi said, panicked. "Don't touch me!" He shouted again when Iwaizumi's endorphin-addled brain reached out for him. His fingers curled and he pulled his hand back.

"Yuutarou… I'm sorry, I thought-"

"No you didn't!"

"Yuutarou…" Iwaizumi said softly, watching Kindaichi's shoulders begin shaking, his hands covering his face.

"Leave me… alone." He sobbed, drawing his knees up to his chest. "Stop trying to… touch me."

"Oh God, Yuutarou, I'm sorry I didn't hear you, I-"

It was obvious by this point, how insecure Kindaichi was of himself. It was easy to know when to stop, when Yuutarou let him know his boundaries. Yet right now… Iwaizumi hadn't respected that.

"I don't… want you to touch me…"

"I know," Iwaizumi reassured, moving out of the couch to kneel in front of Kindaichi still sprawled out on the floor and holding his hand out, "I'm sorry I did."

Kindaichi stood up without his help, shaking with upset, fear, anxiety. Iwaizumi hated that he had to feel those things. Feel those things because of him.

"You know… I respect you… Don't you, Yuutarou?"

"Respect me? You  _ own _ me." Kindaichi spat before storming out, leaving Iwaizumi shocked and confused. Where the hell did that come from?

-

Iwaizumi saw the scars, finally, when Kindaichi gingerly tugged his tank top over his head, head dipped and back on show. For a few seconds, Iwaizumi couldn't breathe, fingers curling and uncurling in a fist, wondering whether to touch him or not. "Where…?"

"My dad." Kindaichi replied coldly, flinching when Iwaizumi finally touched him, ran soft fingertips over the ridges of hundreds of tiny circular burn scars spanning his back.

"Yuutarou why didn't you…  _ say _ anything?!" Iwaizumi said forcefully, although his tone was soft. He couldn't be mad, not when Kidnaichi was unraveling himself like that.

"I'm not… I'm not… Good enough for you… Even now… and… and I look h-hideous." Kindaichi's breath caught in his throat in devastation. "I just… can't bare it…"

Iwaizumi stepped forward, sliding an arm around Kindaichi to hug him from behind, pressing his cheek into Kindaichi's head. "Yuutarou, you are so beautiful. You are not your scars. You are  _ you _ ."

Even the rage inside Iwaizumi's gut dissipated with a broken sob beneath him, Kindaichi's body moving with the force.

"Cry, Yuutarou. Let me hold you." Iwaizumi asked, but didn't allow him to turn around, instead pushing him to the bed like that, keeping his arm curled around him, lips pressed to the mass of markings on his back. "You let me in, so you have to let your sadness out."

It was a shitty metaphor, but damn, did Kindaichi follow it, crying and crying in Iwaizumi's arms, muttering nonsense of his past. Each and every detail caught and held by Iwaizumi so he could share his burden.

Kindaichi was tough, that was the biggest truth. Even through his shitty childhood as a glorified ashtray for his abusive father, he'd come out on top. A seedling career, a house, a partner, friends and pseudo-family. Where was his father? Dead six feet under, unwanted where he belonged.

And who blamed themselves for it?

"It was an accident. It wasn't you, honey."

"But I- I wished that he'd-"

"And how many years and you wished that and it never came true? Yuutarou, you didn't kill anyone. He got what was coming to him, believe me." Iwaizumi said with finality, hugging Kindaichi's bare back against his bare chest.

"I'm so fucked up." Kindaichi's hoarse voice cracked and Iwaizumi shook his head in disagreement.

"Your  _ father _ was fucked up.  _ You _ are nothing like him." Iwaizumi reassured, kissing his neck. In a few more moments, Kindaichi was asleep.

Iwaizumi kissed every one of his scars, wishing away Kindaichi's troubled thoughts to leave his sleep dreamless.

They kinda looked like bullet holes.

"You're a tough soldier, Yuutarou."

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and kudos appreciated as always!


End file.
